Dear Cancer

You had me at "you have a large mass in your left kidney" I ask my husband at that moment to call a priest laying in pain in the ER. I hated you at first, you caused me so much physical and emotional pain, you tried to steal my soul, my self esteem, you took my career, you stressed by husband so much he died of a heart attack! I hated the hell out of you, I could see it in my face, my walk, my tears...............damn you!


I am a better person because you fucking tried to kill me you minion of Satan!

Drug Store List

Here are a few of my favorite things..........I never run out!

Spray Facial Argon Oil.......it healed my skin after radiation and I use it nightly and under my SP15 moisturizer and then base on top!  Will be making a Video soon to show you my Cancer makeover beauty routine.

Going back in time...

Early 2013

Sutent stopped working  on my maintenance dose of 37.5 mgs 21 days on and 7 off that had given me many years, of life. When Dr. Burgos gave me the news, my heart stopped for a second and I thought my luck has run out? Then words came out of my mouth automatically, what if we try putting me back on the 50 mgs, like I did the first year and see if I can be NED again?  She agreed!  We went from CT scans from every four months back to every 90 days.  Once again "I was living 90 days at a time" like lyrics in a bad country song.

I was alone now, Mark had died 12/11/11, I was living in the house I was born with my sister the current owner.  I had good friends, but I was not truly happy, I now had hope taken away.  I was determined I was going to be the next patient on the screen at a KCA conference for how long I stayed on Sutent! 

My side effects were more debilitating the side effects were worse the blisters on the bottom of my right foot unbearable having to bandage my feet daily.  I had a wonderful manicurist and friend name Kimberly,  during these years along with her sisters, Tran and Lil Kim who gently would care for my feet once a month with tender loving pedicures making sure they were careful my toes did not become ingrown or infected. 

to be continued.....

Weight and Cancer

I was a big baby, the only time I got down to 110 pounds at around 15 was thanks to WW and my friend and WW buddy, my childhood friend.  We ate tuna like crazy and back then the diet was not as healthy as it is today, it was pretty boring and I know I consumed mass quantities of tuna and iceberg lettuce to the point after getting off WW it was years before I could eat tuna or Ranch Dressing.

I gained it all back and some by the time I was a Senior in High School and graduated like a big ball of puff. The years I lived in Houston I struggled to keep my weight from 220 to 225,  I once got down to a size 18 after a tonsillectomy and 25 but that was the lowest.

I blew up to 240 when I moved to Mobile, May of 2003, but while on Sutent I blew up as high as 269.  I am now back in a size 18, and it is a lifelong struggle.

This is from my biggest to my current best. 2/2016

Me, Molly, Penny

2012 to 2015 I was so fat from Sutent and Donuts

Music for my soul

Former smoker rant..............my days of smoking or not so much my distant past, but distant enough that I know I will never smoke again. I was a horrible, stubborn smoker and participated in huge petitions with Tobacco companies. The first cigarette, hidden with a friend in her abandoned playhouse (Greystone Girls Gone Wild) perhaps in Middle School I was hooked. I did not become a regular weekend smoker until Senior year (Shaw Rebel Yell) and then that was it. My future ...and choices in life were in a smoke filled cloud. (All in the immature thoughts "I am a cool kid now, it's sexy like an old movie and you have to have one with a cocktail or you won't get a buzz.") I always said I will quit when I get pregnant one day, but that was not going to be in my future to go through the journey or bringing life into the world. Quitting took more attempts than I can remember over a period of years, when the initial addiction only took around 10 minutes.

Getting back in my groove

2/5/16

Wow I am so overdue to update this blog.  I will go into more detail later but the important thing is that I am still alive. I just found out one old friend found me via this blog and had not idea I had cancer or where I was located so I guess it is time to blog again. 

This was taken at a Christmas party December 2015 and I have lost 69 pounds and my hair grew back curly after having lost it all and I am on a targeted therapy called Inlyta that is once again working thanks to God and thousands of prayers and my wonderful new oncologist here in Mobile, Al.  Dr. Nicole Angel and the entire staff at the Southern Cancer Center at Providence Hospital.