Oct 2012

I have had so many crazy things and thoughts on my mind I was afraid to blog!  I have great news, I am stable! How do I even feel about that?  Greatful yes, thanful of course.  Do I deserve it? Am I worthy? What is my purpose, am I giving enough back to the community and God? These are the crazy thoughts running through my head.  This is why I have not blogged in awhile.

Sometime I wonder why I am still here, especially now, since my husband died so suddenly. I have been stable for such a long time.  When Mark died, I thought I was going to have a heart attack as well.  My husband always said, "If you love someone, you will die very close together!", he also said "We are going to die in this house!"  Two phrases that freaked me out when he died.  Neighbors were coming over to take my blood pressure, bless the house with holy oil etc!  I was a hot mess! Everyone wanted me to stay busy so the whirlwind of Mardi Gras was in full swing and I was included my friends and family.

George and Penny (my sis)


My first float inspection on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon for the order of Polka Dots was amazing.  I had never been in a float barn and too see these amazing creations up close I was in awe of the craftsmanship. My ten year old great-niece was in tow, Hayden Grey and my sister Penny, we were invited my our friends Pasty and George.  The area around the barn was set up like a October Fest with table and chairs, a DJ, refreshments, it was a great family friendly party.  My niece was delighted she had run into school friends and off to the kid area she went.  I decided I would have a drink, something that does not happen much since I was diagnosed.  I sipped the cold J&B with extra water, watched the crowd, became covered in beads and it was so relaxing being with people again.

Hayden Grey with Daniel



We left the inspection and off to a local burger spot we went to meet Anita.  This was my first chance to meet one of the most amazing woman I have ever met.  Anita was a colon cancer survivor of 80, a Lebanese and Mexican linage.  She was charming and so full of life and fun you would have never guessed her age.  Immediately I noticed how spiritually grounded she was and I started to admire her right away.

Later my sister and niece and I ventured on to Sunday afternoon shopping and we received a call!  My sister had won and antique piggy bank at the float inspection filled with money! Yippee!  What a day!  We had gotten an invitation to the Polka Dots ball and another to Inca.  We began our search for dresses and I bought one that very day. I was filled with excitement of a new life despite my grief, I knew I needed to keep busy and was amazed at the energy I had compared to all of these previous days since RCC.

 

February 14^th, 2012

Dear Friend or family member;

I wish I could tell you how many times I have tried to write your thank you note.  Every time I started I would get too emotional. You all deserve personal notes but I am just not up to it.  I am still having a hard time getting out of bed each day.   I will miss him till the day I die.

There is no harder death than sudden; I have been told officially Mark died of a heart attack.  Not understanding, never having seen someone die I had no idea how fast things happen when God is ready to take you home.  My fantasy that night was the brave paramedics and firemen of Firehouse Number One, Overlook Rd., who were doing CPR, would rush him to the E/R and he would be fine.  Little did I now know he died in my arms while on the phone with 911, telling me he was dreaming with a smile on his face?

Mark served his country in the Green Beret, 82^nd Airborne, later he worked his way up from underwater diver to Ship Captain in the Merchant Marine, and he had been all over the world except the Orient. Mark’s most watched TV show, any Law and Order, favorite movie was Independence Day and he loved to read, Stephen King his favorite author, our favorite all around entertainer was Harry Connick Jr.  Mark had made many plans for the holidays and the future.  I have done my best to carry out all of his wishes with the help of my sister Penny.   Despite my grief I have been so very blessed. I am fortunate to have had Mark in my life for almost nine years; he was so good to me and always did his best to protect me. Mark was very spiritual and prayed daily.  Mark followed the 10 commandments to the letter and gave God the credit for all our blessings.    

He wanted to take me to Texas in the spring, my ticket is bought thanks to a good friend and I will go for 10 days in April and attend the Kidney Cancer Seminar for the 2^nd time at M.D. Anderson.  He wanted me to keep taking my meds, a few days after he died my oncologist and Pfizer arranged for me to have free drugs for the year 2012 and all I have to do is reapply once a year.  Thanks to Mark I am able to see a counselor at the VA who is assisting me with paperwork and my grief at no cost.

Mark was a great believer in giving to those less fortunate.  The night he died I was asked to donate his corneas by the Mobile Eye Bank.  Two people have now been given the gift of sight because of his donation.  There are fathers of sick children right now staying at The Ronald McDonald House, Mobile, Al, wearing some of his clothes and shoes.

First, I thank the John Shaw Class of 78’s, 25^th reunion where we met and fell in love. Secondly, your kindness at my time of grief is overwhelming to me and I so appreciate everything you have done for me and can never repay your generosity.  I continue to treasure my memories of him.  I so treasure your friendship and look forward to seeing you in the future under happier circumstances and creating new memories.

God Bless you for all you have done….with all my love